The truth, from his very best friend

Michael Jeppesen

My name is Michael Jeppesen and I know Kristian better than anybody. Much better than all you others that have written in this here book. Let me tell you the truth about Kristian.
He is one of Denmark's most intelligent artists.
His thing is a mix of making nice things that can sell and things that seem humiliating for him to sell. This is a very simple result of two needs he has. First off, he needs to cover the cost of two kids and a hungry stomach that wants feeding. And the second is a martyrdom he lives out. He could easily make clever little knick knacks that would make waves on the established art scene. But he is full of masochistic desires that point in all directions, namely humiliation, debasement, a feeling of abandonment and feeling that it is justified when he crawls in a corner and cries. And there is no doubt that Hornsleth gets better the closer he comes to his goal – the great cross he can hang naked on as all of his family, friends and the people he admires can stand around him and laugh at his little penis. What happens after this, nobody knows. But I think he drops art and gets married.

To those of you who didn't understand what I just wrote, or maybe just don't know Kristian that well, let me provide an example that can enlighten the current situation with our man in question.
I once had sexual relations with a girl that was a painter. She was irritating as hell. Her paintings were big and full of colors, but she only talked about herself and her problems and what a hard time she had and how unfair everything was. She was especially perturbed with all the other painters.
"I have more heart than them!"
"What can they do!?"
"Why don't I have a gallery, when she is hanging there!?!"
But she was dynamite in bed. Jesus, she sucked great cock. She didn't do it too hard or too soft, and she loved it.
I met her on the internet and I was totally speechless when she greeted me in the doorway.
"But you're completely gorgeous."
"Yeah," she said, and invited me in.
She had long dark hair and a fiery appearance, but in a totally stone-face-beautiful type of way.
"But why did you describe yourself as weak and boring and trivial? Why so self demurring?"
She didn't say anything, but she enjoyed my surprise. That's probably what it was all about.

Michael Jeppesen, Danish journalist and writer based in Copenhagen, 2005

This text was published the first time in the book Fuck You Art Lovers Forever,
Kristian von Hornsleth, Futilistic Publishing, Copenhagen 2005.

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